WARNING!
This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.
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08. 06. 12. - 12:00
The cow that went on the run after escaping from a slaughterhouse in Germany has been signed up by German TV to be the new animal predictor of the football results.
The Hollywood heifer became a worldwide sensation when she fled a farm in Zangberg, Germany, on her way to an abattoir and spent 98 days running wild before she was recaptured.
And last month it was revealed she was to become a big screen movie star after Disney producers signed her up for a 30 million GBP feature film about her three months on the loose.
Now she has an udder chance at stardom after she was asked to follow in the wake of Paul the Octupus and will be asked to predict the fortunes of the German national team.
She will have a choice of two feeding troughs each with the national teams flag to help her indicate her choice.
German Herald
GRIN AND BEAR IT - Brown Bears At The Dentist
With toothache in choppers this size, these brown bears at a German wildlife park had every right to be a bit grizzly.
FORK THAT - Worker turns Fork Lift Into Jousting Lance
German police are investigating after a hyper market worker turned his forklift truck into a jousting device and attempted to spear a fellow worker after a row.
DIRTY THIRTY - Fake Euro Note Warning By Cops
A German corner shop owner saw some of his profits go up in smoke after he accepted payment for a pack of cigarettes with this non-existent 30 Euro note.
MURDER MYSTERY: Did Killer Confess in Novel?
Fugitive Norbert Wieland, 66, has been on the run since his girlfriend Bettina Polzer's body was found at her apartment in Furstenfeldbruck, Germany.
WHITE BLAM MAN - Brit Cheats Death By Seconds in Crane Smash
A British white van man cheated death by seconds in Germany when a falling 130 crane arm cut his truck in half.
UNTRUCKY BREAK: Thief Facing Justice
This smug looking truck thief will soon be facing justice - after speed cameras caught him fleeing the scene in Sarstedt, Germany.
NAZI SHOCK: Death Camp Victims Buried Beside SS Officers
Nazi death camp victims were secretly buried beside SS officers at a German World War II cemetery, outraged historians have revealed.
PICNIC BASKET BABY MURDERED - Baby abandoned in River Danube
A mother whose newborn baby boy was found dead in a picnic hamper with his throat cut is being quizzed by police in Regensburg, Germany.
WE ARE NOT EMU-SED - 7 Police Cars Chase Emu
Heavy handed cops gunned down a six foot tall emu after it escaped from an enclosure in Heimfeld, Germany.
BUNNY SPOILER: Bieber Playmate Demoted
A Playboy bunny girl who met teen sensation Justin Beiber privately at a hotel after a show has been disciplined by bosses in Cologne, Germany.
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