This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.
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08. 08. 12. - 14:00
Singer Rihanna has been branded too sexy by the new boss of skin-care firm Nivea after she was signed up as a multi-million GBP brand ambassador last year.
The star - famous for her outrageous costumes and sexy videos - appeared in a series of ads for the firm, which was a sponsor of her world tour last year.
Now cosmetic tycoon Stefan Heidenreich - the new head of Nivea's parent firm, Beiersdorf - said Rihanna was a "no go" for the brand's family image.
In one ad, a family is seen moisturising with Nivea while Rihanna's hit 'California King Bed' plays in the background.
The original video of the song shows the star wearing stockings and lingerie writhing with a lover on a bed.
But Heidenreich, 49, told German media this week: "The advert staring Rihanna was a no go.
"I do not understand how Nivea can be brought into association with Rihanna."
"Nivea is a company which stands for trust, family and reliability," he added.
When Nivea signed up the star last year they said they were "very excited" to have her onboard.
Last month (July) Forbes magazine said her sponsorship deal with the skincare firm had helped propel her number three in their top 30 of the richest celebrities under 30 with earnings of 53 million USD in just 12 months between May 2011 and May 2012.
GRIN AND BEAR IT - Brown Bears At The Dentist
With toothache in choppers this size, these brown bears at a German wildlife park had every right to be a bit grizzly.
FORK THAT - Worker turns Fork Lift Into Jousting Lance
German police are investigating after a hyper market worker turned his forklift truck into a jousting device and attempted to spear a fellow worker after a row.
DIRTY THIRTY - Fake Euro Note Warning By Cops
A German corner shop owner saw some of his profits go up in smoke after he accepted payment for a pack of cigarettes with this non-existent 30 Euro note.
MURDER MYSTERY: Did Killer Confess in Novel?
Fugitive Norbert Wieland, 66, has been on the run since his girlfriend Bettina Polzer's body was found at her apartment in Furstenfeldbruck, Germany.
WHITE BLAM MAN - Brit Cheats Death By Seconds in Crane Smash
A British white van man cheated death by seconds in Germany when a falling 130 crane arm cut his truck in half.
UNTRUCKY BREAK: Thief Facing Justice
This smug looking truck thief will soon be facing justice - after speed cameras caught him fleeing the scene in Sarstedt, Germany.
NAZI SHOCK: Death Camp Victims Buried Beside SS Officers
Nazi death camp victims were secretly buried beside SS officers at a German World War II cemetery, outraged historians have revealed.
PICNIC BASKET BABY MURDERED - Baby abandoned in River Danube
A mother whose newborn baby boy was found dead in a picnic hamper with his throat cut is being quizzed by police in Regensburg, Germany.
WE ARE NOT EMU-SED - 7 Police Cars Chase Emu
Heavy handed cops gunned down a six foot tall emu after it escaped from an enclosure in Heimfeld, Germany.
BUNNY SPOILER: Bieber Playmate Demoted
A Playboy bunny girl who met teen sensation Justin Beiber privately at a hotel after a show has been disciplined by bosses in Cologne, Germany.
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