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This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.
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Toy Gory
Toymaker Martin Kittsteiner is hoping children will go potty for his new invention - a family of soft toys who all have psychiatric illnesses.
The toys - suffering from everything from bipolar disorder to acute depression - come with their own medical history, a referral letter and a treatment plan.
"It started as a bit of a joke with my girlfriend who has lots of soft toys and then we thought there could be something in the idea," explained Martin, 36, of Hamburg, Germany.
"Children and grown ups like their vulnerability and find something in them that gives them a great sense of comfort in helping to heal them," he added.
Patients include Dub the turtle with severe depression, Sly the snake who suffers from terrifying hallucinations, Dolly the sheep with a personality disorder and a crocodile which has an irrational terror of water.
Martin - whose company Paraplush sells the dolls for 25 GBP each from his website www.parapluesch.de (correct) - added: "I think some adults see it as a form of therapy for themselves."
German Herald
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turtle toys depression Dolly Paraplush snake suffers dolls sheep irrational personality adults crocodile children disorder terrifying therapy hallucinations Patients parapluesch
Silly Moos
Police asked callers to pull the udder one - when they rang in to report a cow waiting for a train in Steinfurt, Germany.
Copycat UK Rhino Horn Thieves
A gang who tried to steal valuable rhino horns from a British museum are suspected of pulling off a similar raid in Germany just days earlier.
Porn Film Flyer
German Philipp Schultz, 37, was badly hurt after forgetting he had taken down his trousers while watching a porn film at a cinema in the Hamburg red light district and toppling head first into the row in front when he went to leave.
Home Made Heli Death
Hobby pilot Gustel Schmidt, 61, was burned to death after he crashed a helicopter he had made himself during a flight near Stuttgart, Germany.
Monks Brew-ha-ha
An order of beer-making monks have won a legal brew-ha-ha with a local dairy over just who has the right to name their products after the town.
Policemans Bull
A runaway bullock has given a team of 12 policemen and hunters the slip after it broke out of its enclosure in Neuss, Germany, and fled into surrounding woodland.
Dignitas: Suicide Numbers Up
Suicide group Dignitas has revealed a 35 per cent increase in the number of people it helped to kill themselves last year.
Moo-ve Along
Traffic stopped moo-ving on a busy road in Feuchtwangen in Germany after 31 cows escaped after the lorry they were being transported in skidded and crashed off the road.
Mum Killer
Mentally ill German woman Marcela Rainer, 34, stabbed her 8-year-old son to death as he slept in the middle of the night at the family home and then calmly walked down the road to a petrol station where she called police to tell them what she had done.
Skull And Lost Bones
Charges have been filed against three men who allegedly stole the skull of a pirate dubbed Germany's answer to Robin Hood because he stole from the wealthy merchants of the time and freely distributed the money to the poor.
Top stories – last 7 days
