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This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.
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Toy Gory
Toymaker Martin Kittsteiner is hoping children will go potty for his new invention - a family of soft toys who all have psychiatric illnesses.
The toys - suffering from everything from bipolar disorder to acute depression - come with their own medical history, a referral letter and a treatment plan.
"It started as a bit of a joke with my girlfriend who has lots of soft toys and then we thought there could be something in the idea," explained Martin, 36, of Hamburg, Germany.
"Children and grown ups like their vulnerability and find something in them that gives them a great sense of comfort in helping to heal them," he added.
Patients include Dub the turtle with severe depression, Sly the snake who suffers from terrifying hallucinations, Dolly the sheep with a personality disorder and a crocodile which has an irrational terror of water.
Martin - whose company Paraplush sells the dolls for 25 GBP each from his website www.parapluesch.de (correct) - added: "I think some adults see it as a form of therapy for themselves."
German Herald
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Paraplush children depression suffers therapy hallucinations parapluesch Dolly snake sheep terrifying dolls Patients irrational disorder personality toys adults crocodile turtle
Bleach Poisoner Killed Mum
A son who poisoned his disabled mother with bleach and left her to die in agony has been jailed for life in Memmingen, Germany.
Sock Sniffer Pervert
An alleged pervert that had been pulling off children's shoes in a local park and sniffing their socks before running off has gone on trial in the Bavarian capital Munich.
Crackling Fire
More than 2,000 pigs burned alive when their sty caught fire at a farm in Westhausen, Germany say firefighters, who are investigating an electrical fault.
Dust Boot
Thirty luxury yachts and motor cruisers worth more than 1 million GBP burned to ashes when a blaze swept through a dry dock in Moorfleet, Germany, after an electrical fault sparked a fuel fire, say police.
Youre Barred
A man accused of eating a muesli bar in a shop without paying is facing six months in jail for armed robbery - because he has a Swiss Army penknife in his pocket.
Flat Out
Tired lorry driver Jaropełk Kowalski, 28, was left running on empty when he pulled into a German service station to have a nap - and thieves broke into his vehicle to make off with the entire load of 60 flatscreen TVs worth over 25,000 pounds.
Exam Dopes
Student vets are most likely to turn to performance-enhancing substances to get them through exams, a new study on the use of prescription drugs at universities has revealed.
Jumping Jack Flush
A pair of lip-shaped loos in a Rolling Stones museum have been ruled pout of order by women's rights campaigners who have branded them "sexist."
Lapshopped
Pervert Michael Schmidt, 33, was arrested as he viewed sickening child porn on his laptop computer on a tube train in Nuremberg, Germany, after the train driver spotted him in his mirror an radioed ahead to alert police at the next station.
Bogey Man
Phone pest Markus Hofer, 27, is accused of making nuisance calls to the emergency services after he dialed 999 to demand paramedics remove a bogey from his nose in Nohfelden, Germany. Prosecutors say Hofer has a long history of making crank emergency calls.
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