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This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.
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Crooks Derail Train Timetables
Cops in Germany are warning of a massive increase in thefts of metal from train tracks triggered by the huge prices being paid for copper and other metals.
The problem is now so severe it is making a real dent in the country's legendary ability to deliver train passengers on time.
Profits are so large that police believe organised gangs mainly from eastern Europe are stealing to feed into a trade feeding the melted down ores to the markets of India and the Middle East.
This week in Germany alone cops reported dozens of cases.
In Trier police reported four thefts of copper in a week from railway lines which caused massive delays and damage of thousands of pounds.
Rudolf Hoeser, spokesperson for the police in Trier said: "Copper thefts have risen considerably this year in all of Germany because of the rising copper prices."
In Juelich in Germany Romanian crooks were caught because their car was so weighed down with stolen copper cable from train tracks that they had been "given by a pal".
Ralph Meurer, spokesperson for the local police, said: "You can say that wire theft cases have become extensive, no doubt about that. Since copper prices started rising, stolen amounts have been growing bigger. It's not rare that we have whole lorry loads stolen."
Another gang blew themselves up when they used a handsaw to try and hack through high-voltage copper cables alongside train tracks in Hamburg.
The crooks were apparently unaware that the cables were charged with 15,000 volts.
Hamburg police spokesman Ruediger Carstens said: "The cable was connected to the overhead power cable and was under the earth - which they exposed and then proceeded to cut through."
Train lines in Germany are not the only targets - Polish police reported this week that a goods train had been derailed - because the crooks had made off with the track overnight.
German Herald
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tracks crooks rising thefts prices cable extensive Hamburg copper police metal spokesperson Trier Ralph weighed blew Germany lorry loads stolen
Chelsea Thugs Target Champs League Final
Anti-soccer thug police have warned that a hard core of violent fans are heading for Chelsea's Champions League final against Bayern Munich on Saturday - despite British police issuing more than 80 travel bans on suspected hooligans.
Old Banger
A cabbie whose gas-powered car exploded just after he'd fuelled up survived with barely a scratch when he was blown clean through the open window, say police in Schwabing, Germany.
Scared Stiff
A burglar fled an apartment in terror when he came face to face with the mummified corpse of the of a woman who'd died unnoticed five years earlier, say police.
Dirty Politics
A grandstanding politician came down to earth with a bump - when a 40 ton digger he'd insisted on driving overturned on top of him.
Ewe Brutes
Callous art students who planned to behead a helpless sheep are being investigated by prosecutors in the German capital Berlin over animal cruelty allegations.
Wedding Lift
A serial car crook found with stolen wedding presents worth more than 150,000 GBP has confessed to pinching them from cars parked outside churches and hotels.
Hot Cross Huns
Naked sauna-goers were among the two hundred guests that fled when a sauna and thermal spa resort in Fichtelburg, Germany, went up in flames causing 25 million GBP of damage.
Wedding Crasher
Boozed up Stephan Pfeifer, 20, was a real wedding crasher after wandering into a community centre attic space to find somewhere to sleep - and plunging 30 foot through the floor to land in a shower of debris in front of bride Annett Friedman in Unterfranken, Germany.
Off Their Trolley
Staff at a Kaufland supermarket in Duisberg, Germany, had to apologise to customers after thieves made off with their entire stock of 150 shopping trolleys overnight.
Piggy Back
Dad Lucas Bergmann who was burgled and his his kid's money boxes and toys stolen while the family were at a New year's Eve party has had the lot returned - complete with an apology note from the thief at Neufahrn in Bavaria, Germany.
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