WARNING!

This newspaper is a time machine, locked in around the time of two World Wars, one World Cup and a lost age when it was permissible to poke fun at Germans.

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  • Anybody who has dealt with Deutsche Telekom knows the meaning of despair. But are they really that bad? Which of the following do you regard as the worst thing about Germany?
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drunk

An absent minded guest started a panic at a hotel in Werne, Germany, when he left his pet chameleon behind after checking out of the room.

Calmer Chameleon

Firefighters staged a three hour rescue after this hungry horse tried to graze on grass beside a river bank in Ratingen, Germany, and fell in.

Dry Little Pony

Driver Helmut Schmidt really did find himself between a rock and a hard place when he lost control of his sports car on a curve and ended up balanced on a boulder unable to get free.

Rock And Roll

Yvonne the runaway cow has been given an udder chance of stardom - after her life story has been snapped up by a Hollywood movie company.

Moo-vie Star

Latest News

 

Inshredible
A new computer scanner which can reconstruct shredded documents is being used to restore thousands of confidential dossiers destroyed by East Germany's feared Stasi secret police in the dying days of Communism.

Pedigree Chumps
Bungling dog-nappers who stole a prize-winning pug stud for breeding by posing as a dog walking service were caught when they took the pooch to a vet for a medical check up, say police in Frankfurt, Germany.

Record Breaker
Homeless Gunther Schmidt, 54, carried out 14 burglaries in one night and then handed himself into police after he'd been spared a prison sentence for breaking into a bakery in Meerane, Germany.

Publisher backs down on Mein Kampf plans
A British publisher has backtracked on plans to sell excerpts of Mein Kampf in Germany in the face of strong public pressure and a court ruling forbidding it’s publication.

Sex Machines
Sex meters taxing street walkers are to stay after raising 14,000 GBP in less than five months in Bonn, Germany.

Cannibalism Suspected In Berlin
Police in Berlin have arrested a suspected cannibal killer who murdered a city bank worker and cooked his head on the top of the stove.

Dumb And Dumber
A survey in Germany - two days before the world remembers the Nazi Holocaust of six million Jews - shows over a fifth of all young Germans do not know the name of Auschwitz or what happened there.

Money Boiler
A wealthy banker who had a secret gay bondage fetish was found hacked to pieces after he was picked up at a sauna called the 'Boiler Room' by a crazed killer, say police in Berlin, Germany.

Pork Chop
Marlene Schmidt, 25, is fighting for her life after she was stabbed in the chest while buying meat at a butcher's shop in Iserlohn, Germany.

Calmer Chameleon
An absent minded guest started a panic at a hotel in Werne, Germany, when he left his pet chameleon behind after checking out of the room.

 


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